Minus the Crack, If You Please...

Minus the Crack, If You Please...

There is an epidemic rearing its ugly, er, void among female law students these days. A trend that has only been exacerbated with the passage of time, rather than being abated (as I hoped and prayed it would be).

Ladies, please -- pull up your pants! Or try them on before leaving the store to make sure
Illustration by Darcy Paterson

they fit over your rear... your ENTIRE rear.

Countless times I have found myself sitting behind a fellow female classmate, only to glance downward and
spy more than an inch of crack climbing upwards, outside of said colleague's favorite pair of super-low-rise designer jeans.

There are three methods I have noticed that my esteemed colleagues use to cover up said faux pas -- usually when a slightly cool breeze happens to hit them in said nether region, and they realize that perhaps they are flashing more than they should to those sitting behind them.

The first strategy is to nonchalantly pull the back of the t-shirt down over the rear. I have news for you ladies, those who have born witness already know what is going on under there! We know your jeans have ventured too far down -- and perhaps you are squeezing into a size too small because you plan to start going to the gym next week. Like you tell yourself every week.

The second strategy is to again, nonchalantly, slide down in the chair as though to get really comfortable in the chair. Unfortunately, this pose can't last for the entire lecture, especially if you get called on. You eventually have to straighten-up, and bam. There it is again.

Finally, there is the blasé attempt to pull up the back of said premium denim. I think some of my fellow students actually practice doing this in such a way so as to not bring attention to the problem if it hadn't already been noticed.

Ladies, gals, females, women. Please, can we try to not to fall prey to the confines of designer denim? It is just class -- we are there to sit, listen, take a few notes, and get the hell outta there. Honestly, I won't complain (and I doubt others will either) if you save your Sevens, Citizens, R&Rs, or True Religions for the club instead of the classroom. Just throw on a pair of jeans that you can actually sit in, and call it a day.

Trust me, I think the guys will thank you too.